You Weren’t There – The Story Behind the Song

Every song has a story, and You Weren’t There is one of the most personal ones I’ve written. This breakup song came out of a painful but transformative time in my life. One that taught me about heartbreak, forgiveness, and moving forward.

I wrote You Weren’t There after my second major breakup, right after graduating from Virginia Tech and moving to Arlington, Virginia, just outside Washington D.C. My girlfriend at the time still had a year left at Tech. I knew long distance was risky—especially after how my last relationship ended—but like the bridge of my earlier song Distance & Love says: I never learn, so we dive in…

One memory sticks out: being in the dining hall when she introduced me to the guy who would later become her next boyfriend, fiancé, and husband. She had always spoken poorly about him—how he did drugs, treated her mom badly, and wasn’t a good person. Naïve me thought, Well, I don’t need to worry about him.

But a few months later, things got rocky. After a weekend visit to Arlington, we argued long-distance one night while I was at trivia. The next morning, sitting at my cubicle, I got the text: it was over.

From my first breakup, I had learned to give space and let time do its work. But while I was giving space, she started dating her future husband, just a week after we broke up. And yes, it was the same guy she had always called “bad news.”

At the time, nothing made sense. I’m the kind of person who likes to find meaning in things, but this felt backward and impossible to rationalize. Looking back, I’ve realized some things don’t have a reason. You just have to forgive and let go.

The first verse of You Weren’t There says:

You take me out to the parking lot
Out back and behind the shop
You toss me in and say you forgot
And tell all your friends that I am lost.

That’s exactly how I felt. Like garbage thrown out behind a shop. I imagined her telling friends that I was “the lost one,” when in reality, she was the one lost, trying to justify everything by rushing into dating the same guy she had spent so long warning me about.

But time changes things. Now, they’re married, and I couldn’t be happier for them. Years later, I wrote another song—To Hold You Like Him—after seeing her again at a friend’s wedding, this time with him by her side. That song felt like closing the book on that chapter of my life.

When I first wrote this song, I could barely sing the chorus. The vocal range was too high, and by the time I got to the end, my voice was completely shot. Years later, I can finally sing it with ease, and it’s now one of my favorite choruses I’ve ever written.

Here’s the song that inspired this story. Hit play and let me know what you think!